And now, the poetic stylings of me...

There once was a boy named Scott
He said, "Girl, you're too hot to trot!"
He wanted to practice law, but instead he went to the spa
But the Law School saved him his spot!

People read this sh**?

I had such a great weekend last weekend. I got to go home and see my baby sister singing and dancing like a champ, and my big sister rocking Alawddin like she wrote it. Granted, she didn't use my phenomenal line that I made up months ago (look left he's gonna fail out, look right he's gonna drop, that means I'm gonna land on top), but she did a pretty decent job. 

So what really shocked me was going to an afterparty with my big sis and her boyfriend, and having more than one (ok, it was 2) people tell me that they follow my blog. One interaction went as follows: 

Me:"Hi, I'm Laura's sister, I'm really cool". 

Scott: "I don't care who you are, no one is as cool as Laura and how dare you say that".

Me: "Whatever, I'm pretty awesome and we're related". 

Scott: "Wait, are you the sister that blogs? I love your blog!". 

Lots of hugging and giggling ensued, but I walked away with a sense of WTF someone other than my blood relatives reads this? Now I just feel bad because I've been such a terrible blogger. 

To be honest, my real vision is to have some huge publishing company approach me wanting to write a book of my previous blogs, a la Carrie Bradshaw. But that got me thinking. Carrie wrote one column per week for a newspaper and bought lots of very expensive shoes. I'm in graduate school, a single mom to a pup, and a semi-decent blogger. So what gives? Am I missing something or did Sex and the City teach us that a weekly column in an underread New York newspaper can sustain a Jimmy Choo fetish? I call BS on miss Carrie Bradshaw, but I will continue to seek out her fate as an author, as an aside to my real life as a grad student - aspiring professional. 

How will blogging change our culture of writing?

P.S. If you want to feel hot, go to a party in a leopard print skirt, where everyone else knows each other. Fresh meat always gets hit on. 

Just in Time for V-Day

A few weeks ago I saw this shirt on Casey S on the Bachelor and fell in like. 
I thought it was a pretty cute shirt but I was also in the middle of my "do it yourself, moron" phase (it lasted about 1 week) and thought I'd give it a whirl.
But, just as Casey S put off telling Ben that she was in love with another man, so she could stay on reality TV, I put off updating this post so I could watch reality TV. So hopefully you are either incredibly patient and can wait to wear this next V-Day, or you can find a way to rock a heart t-shirt in March (not that I condone that behavior). 
I made good use of my "who doesn't need 5 3-packs of mean's white t-shirts" phase and cut up on of my shirts. I used a v-neck because it's all I had, but I recommend a crew-neck t; unless you think it is cool to have your neckline so wide that your shirt slips off your shoulders and down your abdomen while you are on the treadmill at the gym. I happened to find that experience very cool so it worked out for everyone. 
What I did was Cut out the neckline (again, maybe not necessary) and cut off the bottom inch-ish hem of the tee. I then cut the hem-circle into fringes and laid it on the front of the shirt in the shape of a heart. 
A few stitches later and voila, I was just like Casey S. ... alone with a heart t-shirt on Valentine's day. Hopefully she also indulged in a Papa Murphy's heart shaped pizza because that was one of the better decisions I've ever made. 


Since this adventure was very spontaneous, I didn't take any pictures. So here is the finished product, after a gym wear and a few washes. 

And if you have $30 laying around and don't want to bother with the cutting and the sewing, here is the link to the actual shirt Casey S. is wearing (thanks to my favorite website, Possessionista). 

DIY scarf.

It's Puppybowl Sunday and, in true Sunday fashion, I have spent all day on the couch in my pjs. While wasting time productively getting inspiration on Pinterest, I came across this little masterpiece of t-shirt scarves. 

I have a couple of t-shirts that have sentimental value, but I'm not much of a t-shirt wearer, and I have to sleep in v-necks because anything touching my throat wakes me up in a fit of panic thinking I'm being choked, so they just sit in my closet waiting to see the light of day.
And this tutorial requires no sewing or discernable skill of any kind, so it was right up my alley. 
Seriously, this project is so simple that I was able to start and finish it with such a lack of energy that I haven't even brushed my teeth yet. 
I have a t-shirt that my dad gave me from the days when he skied across Europe doing the Vasaloppet (which he is currently doing as I write this, at the age of 57. And I am in my pjs at 1:30, at the age of 25...). I really like the sentiment of this shirt, but, as you can see, it's not exceptionally wearable: and it tries to strangle me to death while I sleep. 

 So I suggest watching the video for instructions, but it basically boils down to cutting plate-sized circles out of the shirt, cutting the circles into spirals, and then stretching the circles to make them look like ruffles. I didn't stretch too hard because this shirt, much like myself, had to navigate through the 80s, and it was a little delicate. 

Because I'm a bit sentimental, I cut one circle so I could still see the logo of the shirt

And because I am smelly-breathed, pj'd hot mess, puppy graciously offered to model for me. 

What a handsome fellow. 

What the juice?

A couple of weeks ago I was watching Castle (10/9c on abc) and Ryan and his fiancée were doing a juice "cleanse" for their wedding. For some God unknown reason, I was intrigued by this idea and took to the world-wide-web to see how I could get in on a piece of this action. I found multiple companies that were generously willing to send me juice for a 3-day "cleanse" for the low-low price of $65 a day. Then my obnoxious DIY self said, "just buy a cheap juicer and make the juices yourself!" (she's like the annoying girl in school who knows all the answers and has all these great accessories that she whipped up in 5 minutes from some paperclips and twine; that girl is a a real MacGyver  of useless things). So I found some recipes online and bought a bottom-of-the-line juicer on Amazon for about $30. 

As you can imagine, within the time it took for my juicer to get to me, I had lost all motivation to "cleanse" my system and it took another couple of weeks to get back on that horse. Like many of my other projects, this was at least a month in the making. I finally went to the grocery store and bought all the fresh fruits I needed and thought I'd mix all my juices in one day and then freeze them so for the three day cleanse I would have pre-made juice. 

I don't know if any of you have juiced before, but it was a straight-up disaster. My cheap machine overfilled it's pulp bowl (probably a user-error) so when I'd take it out to dump, piles of pulp would fall out onto my kitchen counter and floor. I was constantly cleaning up spinach from everywhere imaginable, and washing the machine after every fruit/vegetable to keep it from clogging. There were pieces of apple and blueberry shooting out at my face and spinach took up permanent residence in places I didn't even know existed. And to add to the absurdity of the experience, I had put a water dish in the kitchen for puppy because he wouldn't drink from his normal dish (finicky, that one) so every time I would step back in exasperation, I would step into his water dish and spill water/dog spit all over the floor and my socks. 

So my "day of juicing" turned into about three days of madness, and then I had to leave my juices in the freezer for a few days because I was too annoyed with any juice to stomach them (turns out, I was also unable to stomach a spinach/kale/apple/lemon juice). 

And no, I didn't actually make every juice that was presented in the recipe/program. So I had like 3 of 6 juices for each of the three days. Don't worry though, I did buy the $11 coconut oil and agave nectar that is now sitting, unopened in my pantry and mocking me every time I reach for the mac-n-cheese box. 

At 9am on a Friday, I decided to put my best foot forward (the dry one, of course) and semi-committed to cleansing my system with a weekend of spinach and pear remnants. By 11am, I had caved and eaten a kashi breakfast bar (but, it's Kashi, which means it is healthy and doesn't count as actual cheating). By noon I had convinced my self that it would be in my best interest to only drink juices for part of the day, and have an actual dinner. I mean, I didn't want to screw up my metabolism by fasting, and I had some killer chicken-parm leftovers that would go bad if I didn't eat them. Thus, my original half-assed commitment halved again, and now I was at quarter-assed commitment, chocking down these bizarre concoctions until about 5pm Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. 

This wasn't a total waste, however, because I got some killer smoothie recipes, and now I just keep frozen fruit on hand and mix up a healthy snack whenever I feel like it. 

(And if you caught on the my use of "cleanse" with quotations, it's because I believe the word cleanse is just a way of saying fast without sending like an attention starved starlet). 

So my metabolism is intact, I mix smoothies like a master, and I own a juicer so when my fruits and veggies start to go bad because I dont' eat them, I can throw them in the juicer and take them down like a shot, a shot of health. Bingo!

Mr. Right

While my quest for the perfect man has clearly fallen short, I have fully dedicated myself to eating well "for one". I bought a book called "Going Solo in the Kitchen" by Jane Doerfer, and promptly shoved it in my bookshelf because 1. Cookbooks are way too grown up for me, and 2. Single-person cookbooks make me sad. So of course, I took the high road and lived off of Macaroni and Cheese, Nutrigrain bars, and Pita and Hummus for the past semester. 
Well, it's a new semester so - just like every semester when I organize my pens and notebooks to start with perfection - I thought it'd be great to make big batches of a couple of recipes, and freeze them in single portions to eat after a long day of learning. I spent an entire afternoon shopping and then cooking lasagna and beef stew, and let me tell you, it was a disaster. The final product ended fine, but I had pieces of food all over my kitchen, and was constantly transferring food from one dish to another because I either didn't have, or only had one of, the dish that Martha called for. That little minx just assumes that everyone has 12 large stew pots and copper sautee pans just laying around their professionally designed, state of the art kitchens. Guess what Martha, my kitchen hasn't been updated since the mid 90s and I wouldn't know what a copper sautee pan was if it knocked me over the head. So I shuffled, spilled, and swore until I ended up with a couple of decent meals perserving in the freezer. 
I must add the freezing things scares me. I don't know the appropriate tupper wear or protective gear for my food to appropriately wait in the cold until I'm ready for it. Spending my life in MN and ND, I have dozens of clothing items for the freezing temperatures. I assess the day and choose the appropriate combinations of hat, mittens, scarf and coat to protect me against the elements. However, when it comes to putting food in the freezer, I either half-hazardly place the ice cream lid back on the container or shove the contents in a zip-lock and hope for the best. 
*So far I have eaten one serving of the beef stew and I was impressed with how well it turned out (however, once I realized I would have left overs the only thing that possibly sounded appealing was an ordered pizza... c'est la vie). 


During my Extreme Freezer Makeover, I managed to pick up some No Name chicken breasts. These things are great because they are individually packaged, so I can be a "Solo in the Kitchen" for-ev-er and always have fresh chicken breasts waiting for me. 
So tonight, I dusted off my "you're single" cookbook and pulled out my "you're single" chicken breast and made myself a phenomenal version of Chicken Parmesan. 
If you have other people in your life, you may have to modify this recipe (but at least it's you and not me...)
Mix 2 tablespoons grated parmesan cheese and 3 tablespoons breadcrumbs in a bowl. In a separate bowl, mix 1 medium egg, 1 teaspoon soy sauce, and 1 teaspoon water. Sprinkle flour on a plate because it will be used to coat your chicken. Once you've defrosted you chicken (harder than it sounds, folks) dip it in the flour, then in the egg/water/soy mixture, and then coat it with the cheese/breadcrumbs. You will then place it in a buttered baking dish in an oven at 450 (and if you're like me and don't read ahead on recipes, you will begin preheating your oven now and waiting 5 minutes before you start baking). Bake for about 20 minutes. I paired it with some whole wheat spaghetti and Marinara sauce and it was a-maz-ing (I hate when people say that word in blocks, but that's how good it was). Even pup wanted a bite, and he is very loyal to his Blue Buffalo diet. 
Again, full credit for this recipe goes to Jane Doerfer and her book Going Solo in the Kitchen (which you can buy here, on Amazon, so that cute bookstore boy doesn't realize your life consists of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and boxed wine). 


I hope you enjoy this recipe as much as I did!
With love (to those I know, I don't love you that I don't know... no offense),
K

Bathroom Remodel

This is one project in which I had no part, and it was all left to professionals. However, I thought I'd share a few pics of it because it looks so good (seeing as it was done by professionals and not me...)


Before

After

The middle picture displays a future project that I will have get to do. My bathroom was originally just a tub (that happened to be unusable, so more like a stone hole), so we (and by we I mean the professionals) tiled all the way up and put in a water-resistant window with 2 layers of obscured glass (to keep my neighbors pure) to allow for a shower head. However, I can't count on my fingers the number of times Dan the tile-man told me how much he disagrees with having windows in a shower (too little too late Dan), so my genius mother came up with the idea to put a shower curtain over the window to keep the water out. 

We (my mother) bought a window curtain that goes nicely with my main curtain, and I just used a cool 3M command strips hook thing that held up the rod, and then (because I didn't have any extra shower-curtain hooks) I made a pocket in the curtain with safety pins (I know, I'm impressed too). 

The future project comes in because I plan to cut the curtain just below the window, and then make ties with the extra fabric to make a roman shade that can be brought down when I shower, but then put up as a window treatment every other time. And, use some obscure, new product called a needle and thread to secure the pocket. I'll keep you posted on that (but don't hold your breath, because the average person can hold their breath for under 3 minutes and my time frame for this project is being measured in months...)

** In the spirit of full disclosure, I feel that I should tell you that after my first shower, my command strip hook fell down and took my precious window treatment with it. If someone had asked me, "What would happen to adhesive if exposed to steam?" I would confidently say, "I'm glad you asked, adhesive would weaken when exposed to steam for a period of time". But when it comes to my good ideas of how to make my house a home, and my undying loyalty to 3M command strips... I forget the basics and am left disappointed...

Long Time Coming

I started this project when I started this blog. It was a breezy day in September when I walked into a little store I like to call "Michaels" with nothing more than a dream and a desire to turn my first home into a page from Pottery Barn. I ended up spending that month's rent (jk mom) and left with a bunch of "stuff" that I would have to do something with.  I found two large canvases on sale (turns out, they weren't actually on sale, but by the time I got to the register I was too exhausted to care) and had the brilliant idea to paint them the same color as my wall and stencil a sophisticated damask and hang them on either side of my window. 


With motivation ebbing, I took them outside to paint them my wall color. Those of you who are astute readers will remember that this was a breezy day in September. I also took these to my deck in the later afternoon, where there just happens to be a shadow from my house (go figure). So needless to say I was wrestling with leaves, hairs falling out of my cheap paintbrush, and a shadow that makes it really hard to evenly spread off-white paint on a white canvas. It was at the moment when I picked the last leaf out of my wet paint when I decided that this project was going to be "just good enough". 


My good friend Jillian Michaels once told me (and everyone else who bought her Yoga Meltdown dvd) "this is not about perfection, it's about being perfect with your imperfection". Little did she know her words of wisdom would extend beyond my "crow pose" and into my crafts. 


These imperfect, newly off-white canvases then sat a few weeks before I got back to them. Rather than purchase a stencil online (which, after the fact, I completely recommend), I found a damask style on-line that I liked and printed it out. I then laminated it and cut out the shape, thus making a stencil. This was way more work than it needed to be. And in the spirit of doing more work than necessary, I then traced the stencil on the canvas with pencil. To do it again, I would buy a stencil and just paint right on the stencil as you go. 


So I not only painstakingly drew each damask onto the canvas, but then I had to go back and paint inside the stenciled lines. I can't even write with wit about this part of the project because it was so unnecessarily time consuming. 
(This is a picture of both the pencil and the paint)

Then my semester got busy and my back couldn't stand hunching over a canvas any longer, and my super-project that I started in September sat in the guest room until today. In the meantime, my computer had some work done and all my photos were lost. Luckily, I am lazy enough that I have only completed one full canvas, so the image above it what's left of the second canvas. I also got some different furniture since that blustering day in September, so putting these on either side of my window no longer seems right. 


So today I set out to hang the completed canvas above my mantel. In line with the rest of this project, this seemingly simple task turned out to be a disaster. I heard about this idea to put a dab of toothpaste where you want the nail to go and then stick the canvas where you want it on the wall, so the toothpaste transfers onto the wall and you can put your nail there. If you remember, I have an aversion to nails and putting holes in my plaster wall, so I got some stellar 3M command hooks, transferred the toothpaste onto the wall, and stuck my strips on the wall. I hung my canvas from the hook, stepped back to admire my work, and my canvas then pulled the hook from the wall and fell to the floor. I watched this happen, in slow motion, and when I went to grab the canvas, it knocked my two picture frames from my mantel, and the glass shattered on the floor. I then had to delay the project further to both vacuum and wash all the floors in my house so my pup wouldn't hurt his paw. 


And for those of you who are wondering, my stupidity and bad luck in this DIY has not escaped my notice. 


I gave in and put some nails in the wall (granted it took my 4 nails to get two holes) and, for safety's sake, I also used velcro command strips to secure the edges to the wall, because if there was a sliver of a chance that the canvas would fall onto my mantel and knock my TV to the ground, it would happen. 


So here it as, the "finished" product that you've all waited for years to see...

I swear my phone's camera does not do this justice...